Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

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MaxwellG
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Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#1 Post by MaxwellG » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:49 pm

Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/201 ... ks-eat-car

The Republican House speaker has revealed that a family of hungry rodents has put his car out of commission

Please send your thoughts and Amtrak prayers for Paul Ryan as news emerges that his car has been devoured by a family of hungry woodchucks, a sharp-toothed member of the marmot family also known as a groundhog.

The vandalism took place while Ryan was in Washington, and had left his Chevy Suburban parked at his mother’s house in Wisconsin over the winter. A family of woodchucks made a home in the chassis and gnawed their way through the wiring. Ryan told an audience at the Economic Club of Washington on Thursday that he only discovered the pests when he took his car to a dealer to be checked. Ryan hasn’t actually driven the car for three years, as he has a security detail and is chauffeured around.

So do woodchucks normally destroy Suburbans, or were these particular rodents just angry about having their healthcare taken away? Well, the furry creatures do have a habit of criminal damage. The National Park Service website warns the public to protect their vehicles before going for a hike, noting that marmots “have been known to dine on radiator hoses and car wiring”. They’re apparently also fond of burrowing away into the engine compartment and hitching a ride with an unsuspecting driver.

In April, Ryan announced that he would not be running for re-election. In a final attempt to seem like an ordinary American, he told the audience he was going to buy a Ford truck to replace his rodent-destroyed car. One can only imagine he will use it to drive to a dealer and get himself a Porsche.

So...there is a little justice in this world - Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!
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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#2 Post by highdesert » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:19 pm

:roflmao: Hey I'd contribute to a "fund me page" to send the woodchucks to Scott Walkers house to devour his cars. Reminds me of I think it's an Afflack commercial with wookchucks.
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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#3 Post by Bucolic » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:54 pm

Hell, I have a woodchuck outside my kitchen window that I would be happy to trap and send to Mitch McConnell.

(Upon seeing it for the first time, my wife the golf fan named it Tiger. I have found that, once you name the varmint, it gets harder to dispatch.)
Neverthless, she persisted.

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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#4 Post by AZAndy » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:02 pm

I've had two cars that had the vacuum hoses chewed up by packrats. A mechanic told me it's because the hoses are made with some sort of soy product. I have no idea if that's true.
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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#5 Post by Bucolic » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:15 pm

Rodents ate the wiring harness to the cooling fans on my Mini Cooper S. This in Arlington VA, about three metro stops from DC. Little fuckers cost me a neat bundle.

I guess this shows that rodents are non-partisan...
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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#6 Post by Bisbee » Fri Jul 13, 2018 6:13 pm

Bucolic wrote:
Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:54 pm
I have found that, once you name the varmint, it gets harder to dispatch.)
Not if you name 'em, "Eh, you little fecker!" Then it ups the game between you to a battle of wits. You call out it's name and draw a bead on him, he flips you the bird and takes off. Truly primal form of entertainment.
"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence. There is hope for a violent man to become non-violent. There is no such hope for the impotent." -Gandhi

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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#7 Post by Bisbee » Fri Jul 13, 2018 6:17 pm

AZAndy wrote:
Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:02 pm
I've had two cars that had the vacuum hoses chewed up by packrats. A mechanic told me it's because the hoses are made with some sort of soy product. I have no idea if that's true.
Darned "New Age" pack rats from Sedona. Eating all your soy products and meditating under the hood.
"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence. There is hope for a violent man to become non-violent. There is no such hope for the impotent." -Gandhi

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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#8 Post by BKinzey » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:02 pm

I have heard on some automotive forums that soy based wire insulation is being used in some applications. However there is a problem with rodents chewing on wiring.

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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#9 Post by TrueTexan » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:36 pm

I had it happen with field mice and a Plymouth minivan. Friend had it happen with his Ford 350 farm truck.
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Re: Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#10 Post by CDFingers » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:31 pm

When a groundhog eats your car, it signals six more weeks of Hertz.

Impeccable logic.

How many cars could a ground hog gulp if a ground hog could gulp cars?
He'd gulp all the cars that a ground hog could if a ground hog could gulp cars.

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Woodchucks join the resistance and eat Paul Ryan's car

#11 Post by Bucolic » Sat Jul 14, 2018 6:04 am

This is getting pretty funny...

When my apples ripen, Tiger Woodchuck gets pretty brazen. He sits up in the middle of the side yard and gorges himself on golden delicious. So I open the kitchen window and shout “Get off my lawn!” He stops gnawing for a second,; considers my entreaty; flips me off, in his groundhoggian way; and goes back to chewing.

The little fecker... if he touches the wiring on the Porsches, he’s a dead rodent.
Neverthless, she persisted.

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